He Can Move Mountains of Grief, and Oceans of Pain. But Sometimes He Lets It Rain

Ever since I was really little, I've loved the rain. Well, water in general actually. But since I don't live at the beach, and The Great Salt Lake isn't exactly my idea of paradise, rain is the next best thing. I find it comforting to not be able to really see the sky, only dark clouds. I used to describe it as being in a snow globe that only had my city in it. I love it. It makes me feel safe. 

But there's another reason why I love it. When I was about eight or nine, I was having a really rough day. And so I said a prayer. I asked Heavenly Father to send me something to comfort me, a little miracle that I would know was just for me. When I woke up the next morning, it was raining. Now, you could say that it doesn't rain specifically for me, sometimes it's just weather. But what I've found, is that anytime I'm having a hard time, a bad day, missing someone, anything, it rains. 

The spring my parents separated? Wettest spring ever. 

My missionary leaving last week? Summer storms. 

He knows me better than anyone, He knows when I need my storms. When everything around me needs to be cleaned once again.

So I just have to be thankful for every storm. Because even when I don't realize how much I need to feel safe again, The Lord reminds me. And when I've pulled away, and stop turning to Him for everything, He shows me that He is there, forever waiting for me to come back to Him. Because He knows I always will. 

Starting From Scratch

I haven't blogged in a very long time. And a lot of things have changed. 

1. I finally made up with my best friend, Jason. The guy that I was in a fight with for nine months, came into my life again in March. 

I love him. 

A lot.

2. I graduated high school. Finally 13 long years of hard work payed off, and I am headed up to Logan for school in the fall.

3. Jason got his mission call to The Cavite Philippines Mission. He left two days ago and I think it's safe to say that the past couple of days have been nothing like I expected. I've definitely cried, and I've felt empty at times, but I've also felt a lot of peace. 

4. My mom is getting remarried in 8 days. And she is ecstatic! I'm happy for her, because I think that after all this time, she deserves to be happy.

So, with new changes in life, come new changes on the blog. From here on out, I'll post experiences I've had at college, stuff about Jason's mission, and my journey to submit my mission papers. In just 6 short months. 

I'm really looking forward to blogging again, and to having a place to journal, because anyone who knows me, knows that I hate writing in a journal.

"I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad."

I'm trying something new now. I don't have the mental capacity to write huge long posts every time so I'll do my top five favorite things from the past week...

1. Sister Elaine S. Dalton.... I got to meet her on Wednesday!!!

2. Mat Kearney... Always been my favorite EVER but I got to see him in concert

3. Debate... I think it's going to be a really good year, I'm really excited.

4. Finding friends in unlikely places... I really needed these two tonight and I loved every second of it.

5. Going to Walmart and laughing harder than I have in a REALLY long time... Oh we have such great dance ideas.

-Officially The Senior

Je vais à mon endroit de rêve cette semaine! Je suis en amour!

Just in case you don't speak French, that says: "I'm going to my dream place this week!! I am in love!" 

I am leaving for Germany in 3 days!!!!

Now, this isn't exactly my dream place but I'll get to that in a minute. 
My brother is a professional sport stacker. 
Never heard of it? No big deal. 
Just click here. 
Or look at this. 
He is amazing and the International Competition is next week! 
We're going to Europe for 13 days and 4 of them are going to be spent looking at art in the Louvre, climbing the Eiffel Tower, and standing under the Arch de Triumph.... That's right, Paris!! 

The City of Love... although I won't have a dashing young man to bring along. 
I may have to find a handsome French boy to kiss at the top of the 
Eiffel Tower... Definitely something to consider. 
Well anyway there will be more pictures to come.. Real pictures... That I took. 
-Ma vie le français comme une catastrophe magnifique

"In time we hate that which we often fear."

I have made a decision. 

I will never ever ever get a divorce if I have kids. 

Now I know that I can't really control this but I will do everything in my power to prevent it. I have two reasons for this decision:

1. My parents just got divorced which means that I have to go to my dad"s house every other weekend.
2. And I feel like I'm sharing custody of my best friend with her new gentleman caller.

Okay so first let's get into reason one. 

I'm not terribly upset by the fact that I now have two houses 

and that my life is basically cut 70-30 but I do think that

 it is starting to take a toll on my three younger siblings. 

I don't like the way that we all had to re-adjust to life but you know, 

if there's anything that I've learned about life it's that it goes on. Sometimes it just goes on a path that you haven't seen before.

And now the main reason. 

I don't think I could really handle being a parent and having my kids every other weekend or maybe even less than that. 

I feel like I constantly have to think before I ask my best friend to hang out

"Oh wait, is it Hayden's weekend or my weekend?" 

This, my friend is not normal.

I don't even know what to do now. I haven't seen her at all this week. 

I mean, we had an awesome girl's weekend 

last weekend that was really fun. But guess what? 

Even then, saturday night, there sat 

Hayden on her couch for an hour and a half. 

This boy has no concept of boundaries, best friend boundaries. 

Let me use a metaphor, I like metaphors. 

Him showing up whenever we're together would be like my 

mom showing up at my dad's unannounced and just staying 

even though I was giving her the death glare. 

Oh. My. Gosh. 

I'm my father in this situation. 

With even less custody... well I've always heard that I'm my father's daughter, just never though that it was meant to be used in that sense.

The hardest part isn't that I love that kid, even though I do. 

He's awesome, especially for her. 

No, it's that I love her more than anything and I want to see her happy. 

Life is all a balancing act, one day it'll all even out and things will start to calm down... hopefully.

-My father's daughter.

Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?

I'm human.

I make mistakes.

Lots of them.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a bad day.

We all have them. Don't deny it. 

But this was particularly bad.

I woke up late, my hair was a RAT'S NEST, and plans for going to lunch with my best friend fell through. 

I ended up going to lunch alone, and when I say lunch, I mean I want to Albertson's and got a propel.

So to make this never ending saga shorter... I'll get to the point.

I got back to the school and found my friends Andrew and Tyler. 

Well I was already in a bad mood but Andrew couldn't just leave that alone... 

He decided to tip my drink up as I was taking a sip so that it spilled down the front of my shirt. 

Well that just sent my short temper unraveling!

Oh here comes the mistake.. I took a mouthful of that sticky, peach flavored propel and spit it all over Andrew.

It wasn't so high powered as this^ It was more of a light mist. But it definitely did the trick.
Oh dear.. my horrible temper.
I honestly had forgotten about this situation, or at least dismissed it until it was brought to my attention that the has been mad at me since then.
He's not speaking to me so I guess we'll have to see how this one goes. 
I feel so bad about it but life's a learning process right??
-The spitter of all things sticky. :/

Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

Sweethearts is tomorrow. 

Our Valentine's dance. 

And basically I'm scared to death. 

Honestly, I'm excited, I promise. 

I just can't wrap my head around going.

See, I have severe anxiety when it comes to this sort of thing. 

So bad, in fact, that I woke up at three this morning sick to my stomach. 

The guy I'm going with is awesome, that's not the problem. 

The problem is I can't stand the thought of something going wrong.

But you know what? 

I know everything will be okay no matter what. I have a great group, and we'll make it fun.

Now on to the thing that makes dances fun... the dress and shoes. 

After the dance I'll post pictures of my dress, but my shoes deserve to be seen right this very second!

LOOK AT THEM!! Just take a moment, and look at them. If I could be in love with a pair of shoes, these would be them. 

It makes my mom sick to think that I'm wearing these with a formal dress...

but I think seeing her eyes bug out is just an added bonus ;)
-Decked out in sequined vans!